Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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