I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
