What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
