Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
