so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
