I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My room smells like vodka and shame
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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