My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
