You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize