Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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