if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
