Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
