shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
