i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
