I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
