You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't deserve a penis
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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