I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
