We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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