dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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