with your own penis?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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