We won't sleep together?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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