So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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