I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
