I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
pray to the hookup gods
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
