Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
