Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
