youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Randomize
