So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
