Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
