I cockslap morals
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
