I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.