i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell