But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life