btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best