he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas