I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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