I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
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Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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