i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
