question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
