I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
