ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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