I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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