You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
