At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
