***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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