Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
