Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
