i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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