I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
