Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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