i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
