My nipple is on Facebook.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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