She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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