4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Christians are straight up FREAKS
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
