trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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