it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
