I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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