fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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