yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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