why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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