Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pants are for mortals
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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