she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
