Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
