it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize