i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
