I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
