forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
