I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
