I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
