I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
