his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
