My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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